literally had 100 drinks last night.
I think my vagina is haunted
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
