Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You've changed since you got that strap on
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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