There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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