but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
