My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
