the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
