I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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