I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize