If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
