There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
