Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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