I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
