Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize