all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
