I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
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