when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
