So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
