ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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