I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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