Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
