he told me I talked like a deaf person
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
