it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize