Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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