Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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