Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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