Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
