You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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