i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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