I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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