Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
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