This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
