she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
