I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
