I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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