Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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