So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
