He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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