but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
