with your own penis?
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You smell like stripper and shame
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
