I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
i think i just lost a toe
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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