I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
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