dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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