No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
