First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Holy shit dude........stairs
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