we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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