i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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