this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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