Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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