no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Randomize
