Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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