Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize