the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
