Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
