The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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