i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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