Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize