I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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