im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
