So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
