Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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