As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
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