He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
