no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
