What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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