My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
