He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
