and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
