Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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