Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
