I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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